Ah, the playoffs. A wonderful time for Yankee Stadium to get rowdy and for the fans to get happy and belligerent. Seriously. What is the point of being the best goddamn team in the league if you can’t go a little berserk?
There’s nothing wrong with organized chaos. Remember that, kids.
There’s also nothing wrong with a little early inning heart attack. Because, and I’m really only speaking for myself but I assume you feel the same way, those first few innings stressed me THE FUCK out.
Why did it though?
A first inning homer by Jimmy Pax? That’s about as predictable as the sun rising in the morning. As predictable as the Kool-Aid man bursting through walls. As predictable as “Kobe Bryant never passed the ball” jokes.
WE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SURPRISED.
Sooo, why the stress?
A Giancarlo groundout that was initially ruled a run? Another solo shot given up by Paxton to give the Twins a 2-0 lead?
Clearly we were all overreacting. Well, I guess that’s what being a fan is right? Life lesson right there…
After singles by DJ and Judgey (and a Gardy line out) Eddie E ripped a RBI double. Because he’s the Parrot Man. And the Parrot Man loves RBIs.
We scored 2 more thanks to a Gleyber fielder’s choice and a Twinkies error. HAH. Stupid Twinkies.
(I wanted to use the ‘Sorrey’ Canada gif, but the Blue Jays aren’t in the playoffs. The state of Minnesota is close to Canada, so it’s kinda applicable? Right?)
Shit – maybe I used the gif too early. BECAUSE, as you all know by now, Jimmy Pax ended up losing the lead after a RBI single in the 5th. It’s fine though. Agent Zero Ottavino took care of business because he’s a special agent. Nah, just kidding.
He walked the first batter he saw and Boonie decided to give him the shortest leash in the goddamn world. Pulled after one.
Tommy K though? Took care of bid-ness. Attaboy, Tommy K.
Jimmy Pax’s final stat line?
4.2 IP, 5 hits, 3 ER, 1 walks, 8 Ks. Eh. Okay. If you’re reading this Jimmy, I’m expecting a GEM next game. Just know.
We didn’t let the Twins enjoy that lie for long…after walks to Judgey and G, with a Gardy hit-by-pitch in between, Gleyber Torres continued to prove that he is the greatest 22 year old who has ever done anything. Ever.
2 RUN DOUBLE. 5-3.
A solo shot by Sano off Tommy K? Cue the Larry David gif again. (Chaddy Green finished off Tommy’s inning).
For real though. These annoying-ass Twins wouldn’t leave us alone. Don’t they know it’s their destiny to lose to us in the playoffs? Chill out, Minnesota. Know your place in the baseball world.
No matter, though. It was time for the boys to bust this game open. Wide fucking open.
In the 6th…DJ LM ON THAT BEAT YABO:
Sorry, Mike Trout. This man’s the MVP. I don’t care if you get the physical award. You know who the real winner is.
After a Judge out…
BRETT GARDNER IS A GODDAMN POWER HITTER.
Holy shit I love this dude.
Remember how I said that DJ LM On That Beat is the real MVP?
A 3 run, bases clearing double in the 7th inning. DJ LEMAHIEU IS THE REAL MVP.
Not this guy. It’s fine, though. DJ will take the ring, while Mike sits on his couch, or at Eagles games, looking like the newest cast member of the Jersey Shore.
What was I saying? Oh yeah. THE GAME.
Oh, and we got some shutout innings from the bullpen! Zack With a K, Peanut Butta Happ (wait, what? JA in the ‘pen?! Bonkers), and Classic Chappie – of course he walked one guy!
10-4 win. 1-0 series lead. Moving right along.
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