Officially. Officially. Officially.

I’ve been saying the Red Sox have been dead for weeks. Hell, I’ve probably been saying it for months.

We eliminated Boston from AL East contention.

Sureeeeee, they can still get a Wild Card spot. (Normally I tweet out the Dwight eye roll gif right now, but I do that so often. Just imagine it’s here right now).

I’m gonna go ahead, call my shot, and say that isn’t happening. No way in hell. (If it somehow happens…fuck).

James Paxton, aka “Jimmy Pax”, aka “Maple Syrup Pax”, aka “I’ve Given Him All His Nicknames Back Because He Has Earned Them”, has arrived. HE HAS ARRIVED. After another dominant start, while also bringing his era to sub 4, he might have put himself in the driver’s seat for Game 1 of the ALDS.

Hmmmm. Hmmmm. It could happen

6.2 IP, 4 hits, 0 ER, 3 walks, 7 Ks.

The man was absolutely cash money last night. Well, since he’s from that friendly and apologetic nation to the north, maybe I should say…”He was straight Canadian dollars!”

With a comfortable 4-0 lead in place (which I’ll get to. Patience, young grasshoppers), Jimmy Pax was pulled from the game after a walk in the 7th. Zack “With A K, Not an H” Britton took care of the rest. I kinda miss calling him Zach. Oh well…

Cory “Still Very Boring” Gearrin was given the 8th, while Tyler “Equally Or Maybe Even More Boring” Lyons was given the 9th to put the nail in the Red Sox’s FUCKING coffin.

But…the runs…ah, yes…the runs.

Austin “Row Row Row Your Boat” Romine hit a solo shot in 5th because he is the best backup catcher who has ever existed. See?

Gio “The God and The Happy Fella” Urshela hit a solo shot in the 7th because he came out of nowhere and now he is one of our best sluggers. See?

DJ LM On that Beat had a RBI single in the 7th, followed by a Gleyber sac fly because they have been the mainstays of our lineup and I love ’em both.

Oh, and #MYFirstBaseman is coming out of his slump because………………………he is Luke FUCKING Voit. A RBI single in the 9th to give us five runs.

Offense, offense, offense.

5-0 Dub.

We killed the Boston Red Sox.

Moving onto Detroit.


Follow me on Twitter @JohnnyStripes_

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