Opener Days are like having breaded chicken for dinner. It isn’t anything to write home about, it won’t wow you, but you know that it will be a solid, consistent meal.

AND that ends my “middle-aged suburban man” analogy about breaded chicken. As a 24-year-old, I’m pretty proud of myself that I could come up with that one. As always, credit to me.

So…yeah…we threw the opener strategy at the Rangers on Wednesday night. It had been a HOT minute since we employed this plan, which used to piss me off greatly when the Rays had perfected it.

EVERY ONE threw a shutout in this game – except for Cory Gearrin

Stupid, Cory

Just kidding. I kinda like you now, Cory. The keyword being: kinda.

Chaddy “Is It The Chad?” Green gave us 2 shutout innings to start things off, followed by 3 from Luis “He Isn’t Very Good, But It is What It Is” Cessa.

Then, we threw out three of our Four Headed Monsters – except for Chappie. It wasn’t a save situation, but watching Aroldis Chapman fire a ball 100 + miles per hour, and making batters look like scrubs, is always a good time.

Agent Zero Otto, Tommy K, and Zack “The Dude Who Changed His Name from Zach” each threw an inning of shutout ball. Then, Cory gave up a solo shot. Again: Stupid, Cory.

You’re probably wondering…Johnny, how the hell did we score our runs?!

Patience my friends, patience.

Aaron Judge being back is the best thing ever. Better than sushi. Better than beer. Okay, maybe not beer…but it’s still awesome.

What A Guy, What A Guy

Oh, and Gleyber Torres is still the greatest 22 year old EVER.

Nothing new there.

Row Row Row Your Boat Romine added a RBI double in the 6th. Why? Well, because he’s the best goddamn catcher in the world. THAT’S WHY.

4-1 DUB. Love it. LOVE IT.

Sox game coming up in a couple hours. How badly will we humiliate them??……let’s find out!!

LET’S GO YANKS

Follow me on Twitter @JohnnyStripes_

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