Fuck.

Oops – well, first off. I apologize to anybody who is offended by me starting off this blog recap with an ‘f-bomb’. Yet, if you’ve been following me over the last year and a half, you know that I’m a wildcard who cannot be censored. Credit to me.

What I was going to say was this….Fuck. It wasn’t an easy task, but we finally were able to beat the Oakland Athletics in a baseball game. After getting swept in their stadium, and losing an ugly contest on Friday, I was starting to get pissed off.

Like “bodychecking a DJ” pissed off…I know I talk about that quite often, but I was serious this time! Okay, probably not.

But the point remains – beating Oakland was no easy task, but we finally got a dub. And it was a fun one, too.

DJ LM On That Beat doesn’t know how to truly celebrate after getting a huge walk-off yabo, but everyone’s loves him anyway. He’s like Everybody Loves Raymond.

He’s not the most fun guy around, but he can do no wrong. Boom. Ray Romano.

Anyways…let’s recap this fun-ass game, shall we?

Teddy Bear Gar. Scary Gary. The greatest hitting catcher who has ever slowly ran around the bases.

Call him whatever you want, but Gary Sanchez is MY goddamn catcher. Homers 31 and 32 today, are ya kidding me?!

Just like the @YESNetwork Twitter account said: Not a replay folks, not a replay.

Unfortunately, in between those 2 Gary solo shots, CY Young Mingo gave up a 2 run Yabo. Normally, I would chalk that up with a “okay, no problem. He’ll get a No-Decision.” No, no, no…

I’m actively campaigning for Domingo to get to 20 wins AND be the AL wins leader. He can’t achieve that by getting a no-decision on August 31st, with 57 year old Justin Verlander (cough-steroids-cough) right behind him at 16 wins.

Come on, Mingo!

LOL. All jokes aside, he looked pretty solid besides that 2 run shot, and he exited the game after the 5th:

5 IP, 4 hits, 2 ER, 3 walks, 5 Ks.

We saw a lot of relief pitchers in this one…partially due to some shitty sitiuations.

Note: shitty situations aren’t too fun.

Johnny Lasagna, making his return, got out of a bases loaded jam in the 6th (phew), but Agent Zero Ottavino wasn’t as lucky: RBI double in the 7th and we were back down by 1.

Tommy K got outta Otto’s jam and then we turned things over to Zack “With a K” in the 8th. What else could go wrong?

Oh. Zack getting a cramp? Greattttt. He was pulled for Chaddy Green, who promptly WALKED THE BASES LOADED.

Got out of it though. But, what the fuck?!

Down 3-2 in the bottom of the 8th…we needed a spark…we needed a hero. Not to sound corny, but how about the Captain?

WHAT A GUY, WHAT A GUY.

Aaron fuckin Judge, the man, the myth, the legend.

Oh, he also made an INCREDIBLE catch at the wall in the 10th. BUT, I’m getting ahead of myself there.

Just know that he’s 6 foot 7 and can make, pretty much, any catch imaginable.

So, with the score tied at 3, we turned on Classic Chappie in the 9th. Of course, he gave up a pair of walks in between throwing a shutout inning. Classic.

We couldn’t do anything in the 9th (or the 10th), so free baseball it is.

Luckily, Cory “The Boring Looking Guy With The Illegal Delivery” Gearrin decided to wait until Saturday to pitch his best ball with the Yanks. Perfect timing!

Shutout innings in the 10th (and the Judge catch) and 11th…which set the stage for the guy who doesn’t really smile. But he should win MVP because Fuck Mike Trout.

This Magic Moment?

DJ, take it away…

4-3 WIN. WHAT A GAME.

People…let’s win this goddamn series and cut out all this “The A’s are good!” bullshit.

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