I’m never going to get tired of us winning ballgames. Or hitting A LOT of homers. Or having, guys who were relative unknowns last year, hit those homers.

Nevertheless, it’s almost cruel that were kicking the shit out of teams that are just downright inferior. Keyword ‘almost’ though.

Because, while the Blue Jays fall into a similar category with the Orioles, it’s still tons of fun kicking the shit out of them. Don’t get it twisted.

Last night we put up a 12-burger in our first game north of the border.

Sorrey, Canada!

LOL. You knew that was coming…

While the Jays were able to squeak across 6 runs, this game was never in doubt. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever.

Gio Urshela. There really isn’t much else to say about this guy. Why the FUCK would we ever have needed to sign Manny Machado to a gazillion dollars. We have Gio FUCKING Urshela. We didn’t even need Miggy Andujar! (I still love ya, Miggy, though)

A 2 run homer in the 1st…


Holy shit. Sign this guy to a lifetime contract already. Buy him the most beautiful penthouse in Manhattan. Give him a damn plaque in Monument Park. Do it allll.

Vic Valera, the GOAT, scored on a wild pitch in between Gio’s yabos. Kill Cam Maybin added a RBI single in the 3rd, on his way to a 3 hit evening.

And then…the other hottest guy…besides Gio the God……………………………………….. Is MIKE FUCKING TAUCHMAN. Aka Mikey T. Aka Tic-Tauch on the Clock

Another dinger for him. And another amazing performance from a guy who nobody knew six months ago…

As for pitching, ‘Mingo was absolutely cruising through the first 4 innings of this game, before stumbling in the 5th.

I know what the problem was, though. See…he was in cruise control while speeding down a highway. Now – picture that.

Okay – got it in your mind?

So Domingo’s car was in cruise control and the ride, itself, was so easy that he began to drift to sleep at the wheel. When he did that, he leaned forward a bit, turned off the cruise control, feature, and sideswiped a couple parked cars! Boom. He had some minor damage, but he was able to wake up, recover, and continue driving.

Get it?!


That was an ON POINT analysis.

For real though…Mingo pitched 4 shutout innings before stumbling in the 5th, giving up a solo shot, a 2 run shot, and a RBI single. Oh well…

Chaddy “Is It The Chad?” Green pitched the 6, surrendering a RBI double, while Luis Cessa was given the final 3 innings, giving up a solo shot in the 8th. No big deal, though! And we didn’t have to use any BIG bullpen arms. All good stuff.

Oh, yeah. I stopped talking about our runs (8) after the Mikey T yabo. Well, in the 6th, DJ continued his “machine” ways by notching a 2 run single. In the 9th, Mikey T continued to be a fucking monster, recording a nice 2 run single of his own.

And that was that, ladies and gents!

12-6 dub.


Follow me on twitter @JohnFerraro_

Write A Comment