Galaxy’s most boring defenders? Seriously, this movie should be great but somehow manages to be the most boring thing I’ve seen all year. It’s got a fun/wacky universe, fantastic chemistry between the leads Chris Hemsworth & Tessa Thompson, and a great supporting cast (Liam Neeson, Kumail Nanjiani, Rebecca Furguson, & Emma Thompson) so how does it manage to be so fucking boring?
By having the barest possible plot and by quite possibly the worst script this year. It feels like F. Gary Gray (the director) read this horrible script and said “ehh fuck it. We got Chris and Tessa so people will like it anyways” and requested 0 rewrites! In all fairness there is a decent movie in here; there are scenes I legitimately loved (when they first met Pawny, Kumail Nanjiani’s character) and the barest bones of a plot but it seems like no one even had an ounce of love for the property other than the actors. I understand you can’t get Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones back for cameos but you gotta find a way to reference them better. They’re supposed to be the greatest agents in the history of the MIB but don’t even get a brief “hey maybe we should call them” when the MIB is fighting their most dangerous foes? It’s almost insulting how little the writers/director thinks of the audience going to see this.
So would I recommend it? The ONLY time I think it would be worth watching is if you’re hungover on a Sunday and looking for something that’ll put you to sleep on the couch. You can wake up every little bit and hopefully catch a Pawny scene and fall back asleep and not worry about missing anything. Perfect hangover movie.