What’s better than a Sunday afternoon domination of a baseball game? Hand up, guys – usually during these Sunday matinees, I’m pretty hungover.

I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Yeah kinda, Michael Scott.

Anyways, I wasn’t trying to brag that I drink alcohol. I was just using it to say this: When I’m hungover in bed, chugging water and Body Armor (no free ads), it’s nice to have the Yankees totally destroy a team.

No close game. No heart palpitations. No nervousness. Just a nice, easy dub. Love it.

James Paxton, aka Jimmy Pax/Maple Syrup, was on the bump in this one, and he finally pitched 6 innings…for the first time since APRIL 21ST.

6 IP, 8 hits, 2 runs, 2 ER, 1 walk, 7 Ks.

His lone runs were a solo shot to Jose Abreu in the first, followed by a RBI single in the 5th. In other words, our Canadian brother looked very solid. It wasn’t his best start as a member of the Yanks, but it was SURE as hell better than his 6-run shellacking against the Mets.

Maybe he was feeding off the winning mentality of his home-nation, Toronto Raptors

But…probably not.

When his day was done, Agent Zero Ottavino, David “Pretty Boring, Average Guy” Hale, and Zack “With a K, Not an H” Britton took care of bid-ness. That’s slang for business. Keep up.

Hale gave up a solo shot but guess what…it didn’t matter at this point

We were already CRUSHING the scrub White Sox.

How did we do it you ask? DON’T WORRY. I’m about to tell you!!

This game was the Gardy and Romine show. I’d make a hefty wager that these two fellas will not combine for 4 RBI each in the same game – ever. But hey, I’m all for it!

In the 3rd, Gardy Party started us off with a 2 run single, followed by a Gio “The God and the Happy Fella” Urshela RBI base hit of his own. Row Row Row Your Boat Romine got jealous of all the praise Gardy was getting and knocked home the bald man, himself, and Gio. 2 run single.

Row Row took the lead in the “RBI Battle between two old guys” with a RBI double in the 5th. Guess who it scored? Gardy and Gio. Sense a pattern?

“Ain’t No Party Like a Gardy Party” ended his day with a RBI fielder’s choice and another RBI single. The man was just PADDING the stat sheet during this one.

And oh…we needed somebody to add to our homer streak of 19 straight games.

Cue the guy who I really, really, REALLY hope that we do not release. Cameron “Call Me Maybe” “Carly Rae Jepsen” Maybin.


And that was the end of our scoring! Like I said – a straightforward, elementary 10-3 win to split the series in Chicago.

The next time we head to Chicago, we’ll be beating up on the Cubbies in the 2019 World Series. BOOK IT. (…maybe…)


We now shift gears to our series back at home, against the Rays – adding a guy with 21 homers to our beast of a lineup. HAHAHHAHA.


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