Do I have to write about this game?
Unfortunately, yes – yes, I do. I’m not contractually obligated, or anything like that. However, I have a responsibility to the fans.
When I’m dead, I want people to say “Johnny Pinstripes was a stand-up guy. A great Yankee blogger. He covered every game, no matter how shitty or terrible it was.”
I want that to be on my tombstone! Book it.
Credit to me for being to crack a couple jokes about yesterday’s debacle. Because, for real, THAT GAME SUCKED.
In short, Yusei Kikuchi was great and Johnny Lasagna was not…
Johnny’s stat line?
4 IP, 6 hits, 4 ER, 2 walks, 3 Ks
His four runs were due to a sac fly, solo shot, RBI double, and RBI single.
Edwin Encarnación notched a solo dinger off Luis Cessa, while the Mariners bats TATTOOED Jake Barrett for 5 more runs.
Double and Triple Ew.
WHO THE FUCK IS JAKE BARRETT?!
You’re too kind, Harry.
All jokes aside, seeing this ‘Jake Barrett fella’ pitch for us is quite a depressing sight. Luckily, he was sent back down to the minors. Hopefully, we have rid our team of that scourge permanently.
Question: Is it too mean to classify Jake Barrett as a “scourge”?
Nah, I don’t think it is…
Anyways, our bats were also totally and completely dead last night. Not that it would have mattered. It would have pretty fucking tough to match those 10 runs by Seattle. Not saying, it would have been impossible…
But you know what I mean.
The lone man who crossed home plate for us was good old Mikey “Tick-Tock on the Clock” Tauchman, scoring on a sac fly from #MYFirstBaseman.
Classic, Luke. 100% of our runs batted in. Not all heroes wear capes.
OKAY. Recap done.
Short, simple, and painful. What a game…
If we win tonight, we win the series 3 games to 1. If we lose, we tie. And ties aren’t fun. Soooo, let’s win? Please?
LET’S GO YANKS
Follow me on twitter @JohnFerraro_